Today is Good Friday. A friend of mine posted this on his Facebook page:
In the Christian calendar, today was a day of uncertainty, mourning and loss. Everything that had been normal was no longer normal and at that point no one knew what was to come.
As a woman of faith I find myself agreeing with this statement, but also contemplating my personal circumstances and walk with God. I am reminded again that while mourning and loss is very much a part of life, it is possible to hold onto moments of joy even though everything that was normal is no longer normal.
Another milestone on the path of grief
Yesterday the sale of the house that belonged to my eldest son finally completed. He died five years ago - a sudden accidental death. He’d bought the house barely six months earlier and because of work had scarcely lived in it. At the time of his death I mourned the fact that he had so little time to enjoy the property. It felt so unfair.
Some time later, though, I realised that he had the enormous joy of buying the house and none of the stress of long-term ownership. He was relatively young and one of my favourite photographs is of him standing in his new kitchen proudly showing off the house keys. The house also provided a home for two of his friends. They moved in with him and continued to lodge there for four years after his death. I know they both considered it a blessing to live there, and that my son would have been delighted that they got to enjoy calling the place home.
Ownership of the house quickly passed to my younger son, and now its sale has enabled him and his wife to buy the house of their dreams. This is a house they could never have purchased without this legacy. They are now moved in with their two young sons and a newborn daughter. Visiting them in their new home was definitely an occasion of joy, while still acknowleging the tragic circumstances that made it possible.
Grief and joy are like the parallel lines of a train track
For me there is still the mourning and the loss. Every day I am aware of the absence of my eldest son in our lives. It is more than simply what was normal no longer being normal, for me the world feels wrong because it is missing my son. However, I’ve come to realise that mourning and loss does not need to exclude joy from my life. The human heart is a complex thing and capable of feeling emotions that can appear to be contradictory but in fact exist side by side.
So today I wake afresh to the knowledge that the house we referred to as Steve’s house has reached the end of its part in our family story. However, I will remember the moments of joy rather than the loss of what might have been
.
My Facebook friend concluded his post with this:
Jesus could have come back to life instantly on Good Friday after he was crucified, after all he was God. But he chose to suffer for us, and with us. The same is true today, whatever our beliefs, God is with us in the loss and God is for us in the uncertainty.
Having walked the path of grief and loss for five years I can also attest to the truth of this. God has been with me in the midst of loss. He was for me when I had so many questions about why my son was no longer here - many of them dark and angry questions. Now, as another Good Friday dawns, I look at my life and acknowledge the mourning and loss remains, and will continue to be there until I leave this world. However, it is not the whole story and even in the darkest hours joy can be found in memories and the promises of Jesus.
I’ll sign off with one of my favourite verses in the Bible. I read these words at my son’s funeral.
He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death, or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. (Revelation 21:4)
The uncertainty, mourning and loss of Good Friday is but a moment in time. A new normal awaits. And it will be glorious.